So I have this huge fear on death. I was thinking a lot about it last night after posting the blog about the ghosts in my house who we believe is to be my dead Aunt. I am so scared to die, i get so nervous just thinking about it. The worst is when I have dreams about the death of family members and friends. I wake up shaking and freaking out, having a really bad panic attack. I just get so freaked out about it and I don't know why. I have never really been afraid of anything except for this. It all of a sudden started getting worse though which is a huge problem. I never was afraid of horror movies and now sometimes when I watch them, I have to shut them off because of all the people dying. It just gets me thinking a lot and I don't understand why.
What I don't get is what really happens when you die. I mean, I see all these spirits and all this stuff in my own home which leads me to believe they are earth bound for whatever their reason is. Is their really a heaven? Is there really a hell. The worst part is this answer will be forever unknown until we die. I think that is what scares me the most. It's probably the only question in the world without a scientific or even an answer. I guess that's where your beliefs with religion come in. But there is just so much with religion that you never know what to believe in anymore. All you can really do from now on is hope. But it's scary. It's scary to think of it.
I really want to believe there is an after life. I want to believe you still live in soul here on the earth. But I just don't know. I don't know what to feel.
All I know is I am just going to enjoy and live life as much as possible. So that way when death does come, I know I experienced all that I could and have no regrets.
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